Work, kids and all the other activities we participate in, means there’s not much time left over. When everything seems so important, we sometimes put focusing on our relationship at the bottom of our list.
Some couples think relationships are supposed to be easy. Not true! We must find the things that connect us and keep working on them.
A relationship takes time and care to thrive. It’s easy to take our most important relationships for granted and put them on the back burner.
Don’t let this happen to you!
Use research to determine how to strengthen your bonds without much guesswork. Agreeing on relationship vision, managing disagreements with respect and creating connection are three of the most important things to keep this game going strong.
Do you and your partner know what you want your relationship to look like? Once you agree on the most important values, hopes, dreams, etc. it’s easier to make a plan. Know how realistic your vision is and remember, IT WILL BE A CHALLENGE!
The most important things in changing your relationship (or anything) are consistency and persistence.
All relationships will have conflict and 99% of all conflict can be resolved with negotiation. Don’t let your conflicts become overwhelming. You both must accept each other for who you are and set non-negotiable differences. (My suggestion is don’t make it a non-negotiable unless it’s, well, non-negotiable!)
It’s important to keep in mind that tolerance and respect is important as well. Learn to forgive yourself and your partner. But also know what you’re not ok with. Those are boundaries we need to maintain. When things get tense, we might not handle ourselves well. So, learning to manage your emotions is an important part of negotiation.
Most couples have the same argument (different versions), over and over again. Don’t think that you must resolve all arguments because research shows us happy couples have “perpetual arguments.” Some won’t ever be resolved. Know the ones that are important and focus on those. Learn to listen to your partner’s viewpoint, be respectful even if you disagree and try to understand why it’s important to them. Being comfortable being uncomfortable is a skill to learn.
Establish and practice rituals of connection. Do “couples” things to strengthen your identity as a couple. Take time to learn about each other on a regular basis. Go and share adventures together. Spend time periodically refreshing your couple’s vision.
Remember, your relationship is a living, breathing thing and it depends on you to nurture it so it can grow!
Have a great day lovelies!