“Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy you the wag of his tail.” Josh Billings
I was working with a gentleman who was struggling to understand his wife’s infidelity. He reasoned, “I gave her everything. Nice home, nice car, housekeeper. I don’t understand why she was unhappy.”
The answer is those things are not enough. I know you probably don’t want to hear that you’re not doing enough, but the sad truth is STUFF does not equal LOVE. Unfortunately, sometimes we get rather confused about this. Maybe we experienced a lot of lack in our childhood and we vow never to feel that again. Maybe we’re very sentimental and we value items for their emotional meaning to us.
I worked with a couple recently who were in a business together. It was very demanding and intruded into all areas of their life together. One of them made a request that the cell phone be put away each evening for an hour so they could enjoy some uninterrupted time connecting. This request was not met because the other person felt it was of dire importance that they be reachable. Before you pass judgement on this, take a moment to evaluate your own actions and priorities.
Love requires time to flourish.
How many nights have you chosen to watch TV instead of connecting with your partner? How many times has the laundry seemed of utmost importance, so much so that you got up from the couch when your partner asked you to stay.
In the cold light of day, I can ask you if your laundry or your partner is a priority. (I’m pretty sure you’ll say your partner!) But do your actions match what you say your priority is?
This may be a little harsh, but if you are too busy to spend time with your partner every day, then you’re too busy. There may be nothing more important to our health and well being than a strong relationship. We’ll go to the gym, work 10 hours a day, and volunteer 2 nights a week, but balk at spending 15 minutes a day focused on our partner.
Relationships die a death of 1,000 cuts at every missed opportunity to connect.
ACTION: Evaluate your priorities. Where are you giving your partner the short end of the stick? Find a way to adjust the situation to match your stated priorities. Yes, this may mean letting go of a commitment.
Tell me your struggle or how it went below.
With all the time in the world,