A Thai feast I shared with my family when we visited Thailand a few years ago.
A while back, I heard this phrase and it stuck with me. I can’t attribute it to its proper author, but I heard it from Brian Johnson over at Philosopher’s notes. If you haven’t heard of Brian, he has a YouTube channel where he summarizes all sorts of motivational and inspirational books from the very old to the very new. I really appreciated this one phrase and our relationships could benefit from this practice.
When things are going great, we just float along like there’s no effort to be done. But when things are going poorly, we pull out all the stops to turn it around. It would be great to shift this way of thinking. When things are going great, we need to drink it in, soak it up, and amplify it! Use the good times to solidify the foundation of our relationship, and that my friends will carry us through the bad times.
How exactly can we feast on success? I came up with a few ways:
1. Be present. When things are going well, stay in this moment. That doesn’t mean that you avoid issues because you don’t want to rock the boat. That means you don’t play the negative past over in your head or talk about history when you can’t change anything about it. Maybe you’ve even agreed to leave it in the past, yet still you live there! You can’t enjoy the present if you’re bound up in the past.
You also can’t enjoy the present if you’re worried about the future. There’s a lot of value in planning your future. In fact that can be great team building for you and your partner. But worrying about whether your partner will be there for you or how you’re going to handle your in laws next Christmas takes you away from the present.
2. Acknowledge it. Talk to your partner about it. Tell your partner how happy you are about how things are going at the moment. Sometimes you might have to just feast on a conversation that went on without an argument. What’s wrong with saying, “It makes me so happy when we can talk without getting into an argument. I look forward to many more times like that with you.” When you feel good about it and you make sure your partner knows it, it increases and amplifies the positive emotions.
We are geared to acknowledge the negative in our culture. It’s usually not our nature to go around recognizing the positive. Our brains are geared to solve problems which predisposes us to look for them. Changing the way you look at the world may take some effort and time on your part. But acknowledging more positive is only going to make you happier.
3. Reminisce. While it might seem beneficial to play over negative past situations, it’s really not that helpful. However, playing over some positive situations can be very helpful. Talking about good times or about troubles that you overcame as a couple can be reassuring to each other when the going is rough. Remembering times you acted as a team or truly enjoyed each other, brings up those feelings of support and bonding.
4. Focus on the Success. Immerse yourself (or feast) on success. Don’t let feelings of failure be your focus. If you see failure, take it as a successful learning lesson. Fill your thoughts up with success and let your behaviors reflect those of someone in a successful relationship.
Feast, or gorge, yourself on success. If you’re going to be successful, you have to think, feel and behave in successful ways.
Where in your relationship are you starving in the land of failure? Are you feasting on that? Can you see a way of turning that around? What behavior, thought or feeling needs to change for you?
If you’re in a good season in your relationship, how can you amp that up? How can you use some of these suggestions to further strengthen your relationship?
Practice time: pick something that you can feast on, acknowledge, reminisce about or focus on and do it today and every day.
Leave me a comment about what you’re willing to do to create a relationship you love. As always, email me if I can help. Nothing’s going to change unless it’s you!