How to Build Strong Relationships

​We’re all looking for ways to strengthen our relationships. All relationships have their own unique path. Some are respectful and polite. Some are abrasive and filled with conflict. I always approach each partnership with the expectation they can and will be willing to change for the sake of the relationship. Long term, relationships are a lot of work if you want them to endure.

I’ve often referenced the relationship cycle I work from. Conflict arises, negotiation ensues, and higher levels of connection are reached. Sometimes the conflict seems unconquerable. It is then, more diligence and attention is urgently needed. However, there are things you can do to all along to make minor adjustments before a crisis occurs.  

1. Prioritize your own healthy relationship with yourself. Accept your role in frictions and keep your pride in check. Learn all you can about your reactions and what they say about YOU. To quote Stan Tatkin, “When partners work on each other, it is war.” Your partner is under no obligation to change. That responsibility is yours.
2. Improve your communication. Drop any aggression or passive aggression. Drop the silent treatment. Stop being quiet when something bothers you. Allow your partner to express themselves without and emotional outburst from you.
3. Treat your partner’s name in your mouth as sacred. Don’t belittle, shame, or deny your partner’s views. Respect it. It doesn’t mean you agree! How would you treat a friend that had a different opinion?
4. Assume the best of your partner. Many conflicts arise when we assume the worst.
5. Always work to make your relationship a safe place. Emotionally as well as physically.
6. Encourage your partner’s goals and support them. When they get to the other side, they’ll remember you cheering them on or making it harder for them.
7. Set boundaries about denying your own identity. Unless you’re totally yourself in your relationship, you can’t maintain that façade. Denying your own wants, needs and desires will result in resentment (a sure sign that a boundary was crossed).

There will always be difficult times in any relationship. Knowing and preparing for this can help you overcome those obstacles. Practice negotiating for the best outcome for you both and get better with each and every conflict.

Strong relationships are WINNING relationships!

Cheers!

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