Is Two Greater Than One?
My husband is coming home. You may know that we’ve had a long distance relationship for many years. I’m very self sufficient. I like to figure things out and most of the time, I can.
But, my husband is coming home. So things I normally would spend time on, I just put on a list for him. He can do it faster and he’s way more perfectionist than I am! So, it helps me to just put it on a list.
While he’s doing “the list”, I’ll do other things, like edit a video or do laundry. I help him, he helps me, and we both do the things we do best.
When we begin a relationship, we theoretically become more than the sum of our parts. We belong to someone. We develop a language that’s all our own. We have inside jokes that only we think are funny. We count on each other for things we might have to handle alone. The “couple bubble” increases our versatility, our range, our expertise. “We” becomes greater than “me”.
My attention to some things becomes an opportunity for my husband and vice versa. This creates an environment where we can both explore things we couldn’t on our own. I’m a planner; he’s spontaneous. I’m organized and consistent; he thinks he’ll deal with it later (spoiler…he won’t).
Not to mention learning from each other! As much as I enjoy my planning processes, he has taught me to ACT! I’ve taught him to slow down and read instructions. Our changing in these ways has made us more compatible and better rounded people.
In addition, happy relationships contribute to longer, happier lives, better mental health and financial stability. These are really practical reasons that being in relationships is good for us.
The greatest gift of relationship may be the self growth it pushes us toward. Because of our patterns of attraction, attachment and self management, our most significant relationships will bring attention to all our sharp edges.
There are times when committed relationships feel limiting. The opposite is actually true! Relationships can open us up to more freedom, opportunities and growth.
So often, we focus on what we lose as an individual while ignoring what we gain as a couple.