Something I Learned in 20 Years of Marriage....

​On December 3, 2015, we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.  My husband and I joked we’ve been married 20 years, about 14 were good ones.  A sense of humor is important!
        

    We celebrated together which doesn’t always happen.  If you don’t know, my husband works away and sometimes we miss spending important days together.
       
    We talked a bit about the choices we’ve made in our shared past and how it’s impacted us.  We discussed some future plans too.  We talked about how every decision has a cost and you have to decide if you’re willing to pay it. 
       
    One of the decisions for us has been the lifestyle we’ve chosen.  There’s been a big cost to us like not spending certain times together, not sharing in certain things, but the benefit has been a great payoff too.  We’ve been able to travel with our children.  For the past 10 years, we’ve travelled somewhere new every year.  It’s made us more diverse as people, a couple and a family.  We feel it’s been worth the cost. 
       
   Many families spend the day to day with each other, never connecting, never really enjoying each other, taking each other for granted.  I joke with my husband that we have 3 honeymoons a year.
       
    No doubt things would be very different if we’d made different choices along the way.  Would they have been better?  Maybe they would have been worse.  I believe it taught us an appreciation of our time together.  Maybe we’d have found our way to that without being apart.  There’s no way to know. 
       
  Now we anticipate seeing each other, and we’re sad to part, but we immediately start to plan and look forward to the next time we’re together. 
       
   It hasn’t always been that way.  There’s many times we’ve felt isolated and taken for granted, so it’s a constant readjustment, renegotiation, and reassurance situation.

    So my question for you:  How connected are you and your partner right now?  Are you in a cycle of non appreciation for each other?  Do you look forward to spending time together?  Can you talk to your partner about how you’re feeling?  If not, can you move in that direction?
       
    Practice Time:  If you feel disconnected from your partner, think back to the last time you felt connected.  What were the BEHAVIORS that YOU were doing at that time?  Were you listening attentively to your partner?   Were you smiling at them?  Were you holding hands and going somewhere fun together?  Recreate the scenario as closely as you can.  You might not feel like it, but you don’t have to.  Just DO it. 
 
Even from a distance, 
Allison 

PS-Join me in my self coaching program if you want a little extra. 
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