If you’re searching for ways to improve your relationship, you’re probably a generous, caring person who’s willing to go the extra mile. You probably offer help to everyone around you, even when they haven’t asked. Others may really depend on you any time they need support. Have you ever wondered if you give too much of yourself? Friends, overgiving leads to resentment. Resentment is a sure sign that your boundaries have been violated. Did you know that you’re responsible for maintaining those boundaries? Are any of these situations familiar? Accepting an extra assignment at work, although you're already overwhelmed,? Giving up something you really want in lieu of helping a friend or doing what they want? Not telling your partner you don’t like what they are doing so you don’t hurt their feelings? Consistently doing “more than your share” at home without bringing it up? Saying yes to sex even though you don’t want to? Saying yes to plans but then coming up with an excuse to not go? Any (or all) of these mean you need to strengthen your boundaries. It’s not easy to say no, but happiness in our relationships depends on being able to set appropriate limits. If you need some good reasons to set boundaries, here’s 5 for you!
As I said, boundary violations create resentment, and that is a killer for relationships. Maintaining a good space for yourself eliminates this. 2. You are able to give MORE. Although we often violate our boundaries because we feel we HAVE to give more, it’s often at our own expense. I say, when you give, give with love in your heart, because otherwise you’re hurting yourself. When you’re in a great space with intact boundaries, you feel great about giving. 3. You teach others how to treat you. Every time we allow our boundaries to be crossed, we teach others that we don’t stand firm. When we are confident about what’s not acceptable and we convey this, others learn not to push. This helps future interactions be more healthy for you. 4. You'll be happier. Believe it or not, creating a safe space for ourselves frees us up to be more present and available for what we enjoy. 5. You're honoring yourself. Adopting the mindset that boundaries are, in fact, self-care helps you know you are respecting yourself. Listening to your wants, needs, and desires and setting limits around them is the ultimate act of self-esteem. So, where is it that you’re overgiving? Is there a step you can take right now to set or strengthen your boundaries? Within limits, Allison
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Valentine's Day is around the corner so a lot of us are thinking of gifts! All of us aren’t great gift-givers! And let’s face it, some guys are just hard to buy things for. My husband and I don’t really give gifts anymore, but it’s always nice to get something thoughtful or useful. All men are different, so some of these might not fit for your situation, but here are some ideas if you’re having a hard time.
If your guy has a wish list on Amazon or elsewhere, check it out. Gifts like a new grill, television, or garage storage benefit the whole family, making them worth a higher price tag. Bonus! The family will spend time with him, extracting more value from this gift. 2.Something based on his hobby. If your guy is into cycling, plan a trip to an area with a challenging trail. If he’s into baseball, where can you find tickets to a game he’d like to go to? If he’s had an interest in woodworking, find a book to inspire him and help him improve. You get the idea. With hobbies, there’s opportunities to find accessories, tools, items (like t-shirts) representing it, classes or other educational material, etc. 3. Something that solves a problem. There’s a saying that every complaint is an unmet need! Listen to what your guy complains about. Does he hate to be cold? Get him a heated towel rack. Does he complain that he can’t find matching socks? You know what to do. Does he hate not being able to find his tools? Get him an organizer. When your partner gets a gift that solves their problem, it tells them you care about their peace. 4. Something to enhance your connection. Get a sexy game and play it together. Get a couple’s workbook you can use to know each other better. Make a list—a long list—of things you love about him and give it to him. One of the best things I ever did for my husband was a gratitude list for the month of November. Every day, I wrote down something from that day that made me thankful and I gave it to him at the end of the month. He was very touched and said I should make all my patients do it! If your guy likes words of affirmation, this is the gift for him! Any other thoughts on great gift ideas? |
Helping You
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