Why Do We Need to Set Boundaries?

If you’re searching for ways to improve your relationship, you’re probably a generous, caring person who’s willing to go the extra mile.

You probably offer help to everyone around you, even when they haven’t asked. Others may really depend on you any time they need support. 

Have you ever wondered if you give too much of yourself?

Friends, overgiving leads to resentment. Resentment is a sure sign that your boundaries have been violated. Did you know that you’re responsible for maintaining those boundaries?

Are any of these situations familiar?

Accepting an extra assignment at work, although you're already overwhelmed,?
Giving up something you really want in lieu of helping a friend or doing what they want?
Not telling your partner you don’t like what they are doing so you don’t hurt their feelings?
Consistently doing “more than your share” at home without bringing it up?
Saying yes to sex even though you don’t want to?
Saying yes to plans but then coming up with an excuse to not go? 

Any (or all) of these mean you need to strengthen your boundaries. It’s not easy to say no, but happiness in our relationships depends on being able to set appropriate limits. 

If you need some good reasons to set boundaries, here’s 5 for you!

1. You won't hold grudges. 

As I said, boundary violations create resentment, and that is a killer for relationships. Maintaining a good space for yourself eliminates this. 


2. You are able to give MORE. 

Although we often violate our boundaries because we feel we HAVE to give more, it’s often at our own expense. I say, when you give, give with love in your heart, because otherwise you’re hurting yourself. When you’re in a great space with intact boundaries, you feel great about giving. 

3. You teach others how to treat you. 

Every time we allow our boundaries to be crossed, we teach others that we don’t stand firm. When we are confident about what’s not acceptable and we convey this, others learn not to push. This helps future interactions be more healthy for you. 

4. You'll be happier. 

Believe it or not, creating a safe space for ourselves frees us up to be more present and available for what we enjoy. ​
5. You're honoring yourself. 

Adopting the mindset that boundaries are, in fact, self-care helps you know you are respecting yourself. Listening to your wants, needs, and desires and setting limits around them is the ultimate act of self-esteem. 

So, where is it that you’re overgiving? Is there a step you can take right now to set or strengthen your boundaries?

Within limits, 
Allison

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