Usually that drive tells us that we are gaining much of our self worth by being a “good boy or girl”. This is not an objectionable goal, but when we allow our boundaries to be violated to serve others, we’re doing the whole world a disservice.
If you’re doing things for other people that make you feel resentful, reconsider how you could handle it. For instance, if you always wake your teenager up in the morning and it turns into an argument every day, you’re probably not feeling very thrilled about that. Stop doing it. Buy the kid a clock. Make sure they know it’s their responsibility from now on. Let it go. Doesn’t that feel good? If you can’t start there, start with something smaller. Anything that you are doing strictly for someone else, ask yourself, do I find joy in doing this? If the answer is no, then look for an alternative. Disappoint them. Let them know you won’t be doing that anymore. Let me know how it goes over in the forum. This site is a collection of articles designed to help you and your partner build a more fulfilling relationship. If you don't find what you need, email me. If you want five of my favorite relationship tips, sign up here. There's also some more in depth resources here. Hope that helps, Allison
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This seems to be especially true with many women who have suffered emotional wounds in childhood or in other relationships. They carry with them the belief they must perform, interact, or behave in a way that pleases their partner in a relationship. Certainly, this happens for men as well. When we sacrifice our own needs in order to gain approval or acceptance, we cannot become our true self. Sometimes, this can be effective for a while, but eventually leads to burnout in the relationship. If you do not love and care for yourself, no one on earth will ever be able to love you enough to fill that void. Eventually that inner being yearning to get their needs met, will let itself be heard. Its voice is often manifested in destructive behaviors. These can be directed towards the relationship or the self. Reflect upon how you treat and speak to yourself. Great spiritual guidance states, “Love thy neighbor as yourself.” Would your neighbors be happy if you treated them like you treat yourself? Start to recognize the words you speak to yourself. Are they words you’d speak to a friend? What was the last special thing you did for yourself? Make a commitment now to treat yourself well once per day. Your relationship will benefit; you will benefit. This special thing can be simple, cheap and easy. One thing I do between every session, is rub a nice, organic lotion on my hands. It’s a ritual that reminds me to care for myself and prepares me for the work I do with couples every day. I love this great quote by Siddhartha Gautama, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” A version is even on the back of my business card: This site is a collection of articles designed to help you and your partner build a more fulfilling relationship. If you like what you read here and would like to go deeper, there's more resources here. Please email me if you have questions. I'll send you my 5 favorite relationship tips, just sign up here. Go over to the forum and start a conversation.
Kindly, Allison |
Helping You
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