 Jon Gottman, MD, an eminent relationship researcher, studied couples from about six months of marriage and followed them for ten years. What he found may surprise you!
The way you talk about your partner with your family, friends, or even strangers will predict whether you will be happy together long term with an accuracy rate of about 87%. The couples that were happiest over time showed love and respect for each other. They talked about themselves as a unit vs. separate individuals. They told pleasant stories about each other. These ways of talking about each other and the relationship make it much more likely to endure. With this knowledge alone, researchers can tell 87% of the time if a couple will end up getting a divorce or breaking up. WOW! The way you talk to other people about your partner and your relationship says a lot about how healthy it is. You can see the signs pretty quickly, even in the first six months of the relationship. In short, people who see their partner consistently in the best light have relationships that will last. Cynical partners talk badly about their partner to others. Why? Because, as I always say, feelings, thoughts, and behavior travel together. If we are speaking negatively about our partner, that is behavior. It will drag your thoughts and feelings further down that road. On the other hand, a behavior like speaking positively about your partner will make you think and feel more positively about them. When you’re thinking and feeling more positively, your actions will show more love and affection. As I also say, you find what you’re looking for! If you’re looking for positive things to say, you’ll find more! Try this with your thought world too! If you notice yourself thinking something negative about your partner, try shifting it to a positive thought. It will show up in your feelings and behaviors, too. Sending positive vibes! Allison
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