Big or small, problems can be solved. You can work on change yourself, or you can get a good therapist to help you figure things out. Taking a "wait and see" track can be a scary option.
If you’re going to go for it on your own, here are some tips:
High emotions indicate something deeper than the trash. We owe it to ourselves and our partner to get in touch with that. Coming in with the “what” sounds like a war cry to our partner.
When things get tense, we all retreat to what feels safe. And we all feel safe in different ways. I may get angry, you may withdraw, and another person may become passive aggressive. They are all ways to deal with stress, but not necessarily to resolve any issues. These are behaviors you can learn to change. It might not be easy; you’ve spent a lifetime learning it this way! It will be worth it, though!
You’ll be winning in no time!